Thursday, December 3, 2009
I'm a crappy blogger...
This I know. It's been just under two months since I've written, and that's bad. And yet, all I'm doing right now is saying, "Hey, sorry, I'll do it soon, I promise." Because I'm not going to write a whole thing right now. I'm in too much pain while sitting at the computer, so that's just not happening.....
Thursday, October 8, 2009
To tell you the truth, I really don't feel like writing right now...
But oh well, I haven't done it in a while and I should.
But really, there's not much to talk about. I mean, things are still going on like normal. My daughter's good (most days), my husband's good (sometimes) and I'm good (most days). Normal life, ya know?
The settlement check hasn't come yet, but it should soon. Then we plan on having one of those debt consolidation companies, well, consolidate our debt. Then we'll take about half of the settlement and put it towards our new total debt, which will leave us with roughly a fourth of the debt we now have and a very real possibility of actually being in a house within the next 5 years. The rest of the money we're going to keep so we can do some things we've been wanting or needing to do but haven't been able to afford to. Like Matt needs new glasses especially bad since Lorelai just broke them. And we'd like to get a collapsible dining table so Lorelai can start getting used to eating at the table instead of walking around the living room. And I'm going to get a bike.
A freaking expensive bike. But it's necessary. See, with me trying to lose the weight I packed on during my wheelchair time and pregnancy, I need to add a little exercise in and a lot of change to my eating habits. I've pretty much changed how I eat while still leaving me room to have what I want sometimes instead of all the time, but with it starting to get cold our and our apartment's pool being unheated, I can't swim anymore. And, I'll admit, I really like this bike because it's gorgeous. However, it's practical too. The way the seat height is compared to the handlebar height makes it easier to sit up straight instead of leaning over, which is easier on my hips. And the seat height is closer to the ground so it won't tweak my ankle to stop and put my feet on the ground at light or whatever. But because I need that technology (which just happens to come in a very pretty package), it's an expensive bike. Like about $500.
But the way I see it, even after using half the settlement to pay off debt, we'll still have thousands left. Plus, with the debt consolidation, we'll be paying out less per month than we are now, so we'll be saving more. Which means it might hurt my head to hand over that much cash, but at least I'm not doing it in a situation like the present one, we're we pay out over $1000 per month in debt and are constantly going paycheck to paycheck. At least I'm waiting until we actually have $500 as EXTRA cash, and not putting it on a card. And I actually mean EXTRA as in, "Well, it'd just be sitting in the bank anyways, so why not put it to use AND help me lose weight AND look good doing it on a gorgeous bike?"
Let's see... what else? Um, our three year anniversary was last week. We had my mom watch Lorelai Friday night and we hung out with Danny and Jessica without worrying about the fact that Lorelai wouldn't go to sleep or need to eat or needed a diaper change. Then we had Matt's mom watch her from Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon. We went to the movies (which we haven't done since before Lorelai was born... possibly since before I was pregnant), the Adult Convention (yes, I just said that... it was actually half fun and half funny with a little bit of sexy thrown in... you'd think for an essential porn convention, it'd be more sexy, but there were some weirdo's there that just made you laugh). Then we went to dinner at BJ's in Burbank and it was super nice. We actually talked. No trying to calm a fussy kid who doesn't want to sit in her high chair or eat her food (why, when our food looks so much better?). Just talked about stupid and semi-important stuff. It was really nice. Then we went to a club and had a blast. The next day, after Matt asked me what I wanted to do, I popped off with, "Let's go to Venice Beach! I've never been there!" Matt semi-freaked that I'm 25 and have lived in Southern California all my life without ever having gone there. We walked from one end to the other and bought a few small things, like a new "wedding" ring for me (a $5 wire ring bent to say "Love" since my wedding rings are getting too big and I still need to lose about 100 pounds so there's no point in resizing them now), a piece of art for our room, a refrigerator magnet, and sunglasses for me. We visited the freak show and I made Matt promise the next time we were somewhere with a psychic, he'd get a reading. We talked all day and walked arm in arm and it was freaking amazing. It was like we were dating again, but with way more comfort with and knowledge about each other. It was less than 48 hours together, but it meant the world and made me feel so much more connected to him.
After that, we went to Matt's parents house for a birthday party and to pick up Lorelai. On their block there was an open house, so when we got there and found Lorelai taking a nap, we went and checked it out, which was cool and nice to do so we can start getting a sense of what kind of house we'd both be happy with. This house was laid out in a way I really liked (except for the jacuzzi tub being in the stand alone bathroom upstairs instead of the master bathroom downstairs). It had a library (whoooo hooooo!!!) and a billiards rooms (yipeeeee!!!). I liked the backyard, but Matt didn't. There was a lot that would need to be updated, which we both decided we weren't too keen on. We don't mind having to change a few things, but we'd like the kitchen and bathrooms to be 80-90% how we'd like them since they're the most expensive renovations. These were laid out how we wanted them, but aside from (ugly) granite counter tops in the kitchen, everything else was about 30 years old. We went back to his parents house and celebrated our brother-in-law's birthday and by the time we got home, everyone was ready for bed.
Now it's just been normal life again, but we're a little closer this week. A little more innocent touches, like hugs and kisses and cuddling, a lot more talking about actual things instead of just Lorelai (not that she's not an "actual thing".... you know what I mean). All in all, life is good.
But really, there's not much to talk about. I mean, things are still going on like normal. My daughter's good (most days), my husband's good (sometimes) and I'm good (most days). Normal life, ya know?
The settlement check hasn't come yet, but it should soon. Then we plan on having one of those debt consolidation companies, well, consolidate our debt. Then we'll take about half of the settlement and put it towards our new total debt, which will leave us with roughly a fourth of the debt we now have and a very real possibility of actually being in a house within the next 5 years. The rest of the money we're going to keep so we can do some things we've been wanting or needing to do but haven't been able to afford to. Like Matt needs new glasses especially bad since Lorelai just broke them. And we'd like to get a collapsible dining table so Lorelai can start getting used to eating at the table instead of walking around the living room. And I'm going to get a bike.
A freaking expensive bike. But it's necessary. See, with me trying to lose the weight I packed on during my wheelchair time and pregnancy, I need to add a little exercise in and a lot of change to my eating habits. I've pretty much changed how I eat while still leaving me room to have what I want sometimes instead of all the time, but with it starting to get cold our and our apartment's pool being unheated, I can't swim anymore. And, I'll admit, I really like this bike because it's gorgeous. However, it's practical too. The way the seat height is compared to the handlebar height makes it easier to sit up straight instead of leaning over, which is easier on my hips. And the seat height is closer to the ground so it won't tweak my ankle to stop and put my feet on the ground at light or whatever. But because I need that technology (which just happens to come in a very pretty package), it's an expensive bike. Like about $500.
But the way I see it, even after using half the settlement to pay off debt, we'll still have thousands left. Plus, with the debt consolidation, we'll be paying out less per month than we are now, so we'll be saving more. Which means it might hurt my head to hand over that much cash, but at least I'm not doing it in a situation like the present one, we're we pay out over $1000 per month in debt and are constantly going paycheck to paycheck. At least I'm waiting until we actually have $500 as EXTRA cash, and not putting it on a card. And I actually mean EXTRA as in, "Well, it'd just be sitting in the bank anyways, so why not put it to use AND help me lose weight AND look good doing it on a gorgeous bike?"
Let's see... what else? Um, our three year anniversary was last week. We had my mom watch Lorelai Friday night and we hung out with Danny and Jessica without worrying about the fact that Lorelai wouldn't go to sleep or need to eat or needed a diaper change. Then we had Matt's mom watch her from Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon. We went to the movies (which we haven't done since before Lorelai was born... possibly since before I was pregnant), the Adult Convention (yes, I just said that... it was actually half fun and half funny with a little bit of sexy thrown in... you'd think for an essential porn convention, it'd be more sexy, but there were some weirdo's there that just made you laugh). Then we went to dinner at BJ's in Burbank and it was super nice. We actually talked. No trying to calm a fussy kid who doesn't want to sit in her high chair or eat her food (why, when our food looks so much better?). Just talked about stupid and semi-important stuff. It was really nice. Then we went to a club and had a blast. The next day, after Matt asked me what I wanted to do, I popped off with, "Let's go to Venice Beach! I've never been there!" Matt semi-freaked that I'm 25 and have lived in Southern California all my life without ever having gone there. We walked from one end to the other and bought a few small things, like a new "wedding" ring for me (a $5 wire ring bent to say "Love" since my wedding rings are getting too big and I still need to lose about 100 pounds so there's no point in resizing them now), a piece of art for our room, a refrigerator magnet, and sunglasses for me. We visited the freak show and I made Matt promise the next time we were somewhere with a psychic, he'd get a reading. We talked all day and walked arm in arm and it was freaking amazing. It was like we were dating again, but with way more comfort with and knowledge about each other. It was less than 48 hours together, but it meant the world and made me feel so much more connected to him.
After that, we went to Matt's parents house for a birthday party and to pick up Lorelai. On their block there was an open house, so when we got there and found Lorelai taking a nap, we went and checked it out, which was cool and nice to do so we can start getting a sense of what kind of house we'd both be happy with. This house was laid out in a way I really liked (except for the jacuzzi tub being in the stand alone bathroom upstairs instead of the master bathroom downstairs). It had a library (whoooo hooooo!!!) and a billiards rooms (yipeeeee!!!). I liked the backyard, but Matt didn't. There was a lot that would need to be updated, which we both decided we weren't too keen on. We don't mind having to change a few things, but we'd like the kitchen and bathrooms to be 80-90% how we'd like them since they're the most expensive renovations. These were laid out how we wanted them, but aside from (ugly) granite counter tops in the kitchen, everything else was about 30 years old. We went back to his parents house and celebrated our brother-in-law's birthday and by the time we got home, everyone was ready for bed.
Now it's just been normal life again, but we're a little closer this week. A little more innocent touches, like hugs and kisses and cuddling, a lot more talking about actual things instead of just Lorelai (not that she's not an "actual thing".... you know what I mean). All in all, life is good.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Today sucked...
But it wound up turning out okay, I guess... Here, let me start at the beginning...
So I'm driving along to my doctor's appointment (for a check up on my hips) and I'm about to start moving out of the carpool lane to get off the freeway. I glance up at the rear view mirror........
And my whole world turns upside down.
I honestly don't know if my head just dropped back as I got dizzy or if I was so dizzy my eyes rolled back in my head, but I had a second of blackness, then I saw the roof of the car (don't think you're supposed to see that while driving), then tried to focus on the road. Excuse me, roads.
Was I seeing double? No. Try octuple... yeah... that's more like it.
I've never been so dizzy in my life. Hell, I'd bet if you add all the times I've been dizzy up together, it still wouldn't have compared. And I was driving. With my daughter in the car. Kinda scary.
So, I took my foot off the gas, (luckily my brain was still working and told me to NOT hit the brakes), and just tried to stay in between the two white lines. Well, one set of them anyways. I got off the freeway and got to my doctor's office safely. Promptly called my mom to see if she could come get me, but she was about to go into a session. Called my MIL and she said she'd be there. Got out of my doctor's and on the way home, called my normal, family doctor, while trying to figure out why the center of my vision seemed to be WAY closer than it should be. They said they'd get back to me since they were booked and there was only one doctor, instead of the normal four, there today.
We got home and Sharon (MIL) stayed to help, but Matt got there pretty soon after we did. He took over with Lorelai while I rested on the couch. Well, more like sat nearly comatose, trying to get the dizziness to go away, not to mention the headache that was starting behind my right eye. About an hour later, I call the doctor again. Get told to wait about half an hour. 45 minutes later, I call again. They're still slammed, so I decide to just go to Urgent Care. Called my dad to come over and take me so Matt could stay with Lorelai (don't want a 15-month-old in a doctor's office unless I can avoid it). At this point, I feel like I'm drunk... dizzy, can't see straight, headache, limbs heavy, feel like my tongue is too big for my mouth and I'm slurring my words. Matt decides f*ck Urgent Care, I'm going to the ER.
So my dad comes to get me a few minutes after Matt leaves with Lorelai and his mom to go pick up my car before it gets towed at the doctor's office. We go to the ER where I'm asked about a MILLION questions by a hot newbie doctor (and there were, like, 8 of him! Nice eye candy) before being given a VERY painful shot in the arm of Imitrex (a migraine medicine). It takes about a minute for the migraine to go away. And another thirty seconds for the nice side effect: my head feels like there's a balloon in it. It's not painful, like when you have a head cold and your head feels heavy and twice it's normal size. Not painful at all... but just... weird. And slightly uncomfortable. I feel top heavy, like if I get up, I'll fall over with my feet sticking straight up in the air. Like one of those clown punching backs, but upside down. Then they wheel me off to take a CT of my head to make sure it's nothing like a blood clot or tumor. Fun.
The CT came back fine and I was determined to be suffering from a ophthalmoplegic migraine, which is defined by Web MD as, "Pain around the eye, including paralysis in the muscles surrounding the eye. This is an emergency medical condition, as the symptoms can also be caused by pressure on the nerves behind the eye or an aneurysm. Other symptoms of ophthalmoplegic migraines include droopy eyelid, double vision, or other vision changes. Fortunately, this is a rare form of migraine."
Trust me to get the rare one.
And, apparently, I also get auras, which are defined as, "An "aura" is a physiological warning sign that a migraine is about to begin. Migraines with auras occur in about 20%-30% of migraine sufferers. An aura can occur one hour before the attack of pain and last from 15 to 60 minutes. The symptoms always last less than one hour. Visual auras include: bright flashing dots or lights, blind spots, distorted vision, temporary vision loss, wavy or jagged lines."
No bright lights, no blind spots, and no wavy or jagged lines, but check on the distorted vision and temporary vision loss. And did you see that part about the fact that only 20%-30% of migraine sufferers get auras? Check PLUS on Kendra getting the rare crap.
After the shot I got two pills: one for nausea, which I didn't have most of the time, but for a few minutes here and there, it'd sneak up, and one for the dizziness, which just wouldn't freaking go away. But... twenty or thirty minutes later, and the dizziness is starting to fade. I only have 2 hot doctor's now (disappointing). Matt comes and picks me up (Dad took Matt's truck back to him while they were running tests) and by the time we get home, there's only one of everything again and I feel no pain and my head feels like it's normal size and weight. Nice, effective medication.
So... now, hopefully, it won't happen again. But they don't think so. In the past two weeks, this is the third time I've had what I thought was a headache behind my right eye. The first time, I laid down to watch TV with Matt and fell asleep and it went away (which is part of what he told me to do if it happens again). The second time, again, I went to bed (it was just that time) and it was fine. So he said that these aura things, as annoying and scary as they are, are my warning signals. That when they hit, to take the anti nausea pills, the anti dizziness pills, and the migraine medication, even though the migraine hasn't hit. This won't prevent it from happening, but it does put migraine pain medication in my body before the pain hits, so I can't really feel it. It's kind of like preventing it, but not. It's still there, under the medication.
So, today sucked. Turned out okay, but it makes me worry about driving with Lorelai now. I mean, I got DAMN lucky today. So what exactly am I supposed to do now?
So I'm driving along to my doctor's appointment (for a check up on my hips) and I'm about to start moving out of the carpool lane to get off the freeway. I glance up at the rear view mirror........
And my whole world turns upside down.
I honestly don't know if my head just dropped back as I got dizzy or if I was so dizzy my eyes rolled back in my head, but I had a second of blackness, then I saw the roof of the car (don't think you're supposed to see that while driving), then tried to focus on the road. Excuse me, roads.
Was I seeing double? No. Try octuple... yeah... that's more like it.
I've never been so dizzy in my life. Hell, I'd bet if you add all the times I've been dizzy up together, it still wouldn't have compared. And I was driving. With my daughter in the car. Kinda scary.
So, I took my foot off the gas, (luckily my brain was still working and told me to NOT hit the brakes), and just tried to stay in between the two white lines. Well, one set of them anyways. I got off the freeway and got to my doctor's office safely. Promptly called my mom to see if she could come get me, but she was about to go into a session. Called my MIL and she said she'd be there. Got out of my doctor's and on the way home, called my normal, family doctor, while trying to figure out why the center of my vision seemed to be WAY closer than it should be. They said they'd get back to me since they were booked and there was only one doctor, instead of the normal four, there today.
We got home and Sharon (MIL) stayed to help, but Matt got there pretty soon after we did. He took over with Lorelai while I rested on the couch. Well, more like sat nearly comatose, trying to get the dizziness to go away, not to mention the headache that was starting behind my right eye. About an hour later, I call the doctor again. Get told to wait about half an hour. 45 minutes later, I call again. They're still slammed, so I decide to just go to Urgent Care. Called my dad to come over and take me so Matt could stay with Lorelai (don't want a 15-month-old in a doctor's office unless I can avoid it). At this point, I feel like I'm drunk... dizzy, can't see straight, headache, limbs heavy, feel like my tongue is too big for my mouth and I'm slurring my words. Matt decides f*ck Urgent Care, I'm going to the ER.
So my dad comes to get me a few minutes after Matt leaves with Lorelai and his mom to go pick up my car before it gets towed at the doctor's office. We go to the ER where I'm asked about a MILLION questions by a hot newbie doctor (and there were, like, 8 of him! Nice eye candy) before being given a VERY painful shot in the arm of Imitrex (a migraine medicine). It takes about a minute for the migraine to go away. And another thirty seconds for the nice side effect: my head feels like there's a balloon in it. It's not painful, like when you have a head cold and your head feels heavy and twice it's normal size. Not painful at all... but just... weird. And slightly uncomfortable. I feel top heavy, like if I get up, I'll fall over with my feet sticking straight up in the air. Like one of those clown punching backs, but upside down. Then they wheel me off to take a CT of my head to make sure it's nothing like a blood clot or tumor. Fun.
The CT came back fine and I was determined to be suffering from a ophthalmoplegic migraine, which is defined by Web MD as, "Pain around the eye, including paralysis in the muscles surrounding the eye. This is an emergency medical condition, as the symptoms can also be caused by pressure on the nerves behind the eye or an aneurysm. Other symptoms of ophthalmoplegic migraines include droopy eyelid, double vision, or other vision changes. Fortunately, this is a rare form of migraine."
Trust me to get the rare one.
And, apparently, I also get auras, which are defined as, "An "aura" is a physiological warning sign that a migraine is about to begin. Migraines with auras occur in about 20%-30% of migraine sufferers. An aura can occur one hour before the attack of pain and last from 15 to 60 minutes. The symptoms always last less than one hour. Visual auras include: bright flashing dots or lights, blind spots, distorted vision, temporary vision loss, wavy or jagged lines."
No bright lights, no blind spots, and no wavy or jagged lines, but check on the distorted vision and temporary vision loss. And did you see that part about the fact that only 20%-30% of migraine sufferers get auras? Check PLUS on Kendra getting the rare crap.
After the shot I got two pills: one for nausea, which I didn't have most of the time, but for a few minutes here and there, it'd sneak up, and one for the dizziness, which just wouldn't freaking go away. But... twenty or thirty minutes later, and the dizziness is starting to fade. I only have 2 hot doctor's now (disappointing). Matt comes and picks me up (Dad took Matt's truck back to him while they were running tests) and by the time we get home, there's only one of everything again and I feel no pain and my head feels like it's normal size and weight. Nice, effective medication.
So... now, hopefully, it won't happen again. But they don't think so. In the past two weeks, this is the third time I've had what I thought was a headache behind my right eye. The first time, I laid down to watch TV with Matt and fell asleep and it went away (which is part of what he told me to do if it happens again). The second time, again, I went to bed (it was just that time) and it was fine. So he said that these aura things, as annoying and scary as they are, are my warning signals. That when they hit, to take the anti nausea pills, the anti dizziness pills, and the migraine medication, even though the migraine hasn't hit. This won't prevent it from happening, but it does put migraine pain medication in my body before the pain hits, so I can't really feel it. It's kind of like preventing it, but not. It's still there, under the medication.
So, today sucked. Turned out okay, but it makes me worry about driving with Lorelai now. I mean, I got DAMN lucky today. So what exactly am I supposed to do now?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Good news???
We settled the malpractice case. Yippee. Okay, okay, I know, I should be happy that we're actually getting money, but it's not NEARLY what we had hoped for. We were aiming for at least enough to pay off our credit cards. We'll probably be getting about half that amount, but it's better than nothing, right?
For those of you who don't know, I was in a car accident a little under three years ago. I had to have emergency surgery... The surgery didn't go well. In fact, it went completely wrong. So, fast forward to now... I have a malpractice suit against the doctor. I actually didn't really want to sue him; I'm just not a suing type of person. But then I got pregnant with my daughter and that kind of changed everything. Then it wasn't just Matt and I Matt's paychecks were supporting. There was a baby on the way. So, in an effort to do what I could to let my daughter have the kind of life I want her to have, I sued. I can't work and this is the only way I could think of to get money for us.
So, here we are, 8 days from trial when, suddenly, the doctor changes his mind and offers a settlement. See, at first, he kept refusing and wanted to just go to court. But I guess someone talked some sense into him. Not that much, though, because his offer is a penny below the reporting limit. That way it doesn't go on his record. My lawyer called me with all this two days ago. Matt and I talked it over and decided to make a counter offer....... He turned it down today. So, after talking it over with my lawyer and having him tell me what the defense would be (which, I'll admit, wouldn't sound good for me to a person who doesn't know the whole story), I called Matt and asked him what we should do. We decided to take the measly offer because, after all, if we go to court and lose, the doctor (who's a complete ass) will probably come after us for his lawyer's fees as well as the experts he had to hire. So we'd be MORE in debt. Yes, my lawyer doesn't charge me if we lose, but the other side could file a suit to get me to pay them for dragging them into this. So, since we were doing this for Lorelai and not us, we decided to take what we can DEFINITELY get and not to chance losing AND winding up in more debt.
But, like I said, it's about half of the smallest amount we wanted to settle for, an amount that would have wiped out all of our debt and put a few grand in our pockets. Oh well, at least it's something, right? And if we work it right, and pick what we pay off carefully, we can lower our monthly credit card payments considerably. I shouldn't be so down... It's a good amount. It will make it easier to breathe around here. But I guess I got so caught up in the fantasy of getting at least enough to pay off all of our debt. We had a plan... pay it all off, take about 2 years to save, and move into a house. That just won't be happening now and it's kind of sad. I know it'll happen eventually, but I wanted it to be now so badly. I tried, at least. And I did make it better for Lorelai, in a way, if I think about it. This will make it easier for us financially right now. It may not solve all our problems, but it does help a lot. And it will still help us take a shorter amount of time to pay off our debt and get into a house... It won't all happen as quick as we'd like it to, but it's closer to happening than if we didn't sue or didn't accept the offer, went to court, lost, and was ordered to pay his fees... I have to look at that side of it...
Well, I guess that means that it's time for me to sit down with our bills and figure out what card gets what amount in an effort to be most effective with this money. Yay, fun.
For those of you who don't know, I was in a car accident a little under three years ago. I had to have emergency surgery... The surgery didn't go well. In fact, it went completely wrong. So, fast forward to now... I have a malpractice suit against the doctor. I actually didn't really want to sue him; I'm just not a suing type of person. But then I got pregnant with my daughter and that kind of changed everything. Then it wasn't just Matt and I Matt's paychecks were supporting. There was a baby on the way. So, in an effort to do what I could to let my daughter have the kind of life I want her to have, I sued. I can't work and this is the only way I could think of to get money for us.
So, here we are, 8 days from trial when, suddenly, the doctor changes his mind and offers a settlement. See, at first, he kept refusing and wanted to just go to court. But I guess someone talked some sense into him. Not that much, though, because his offer is a penny below the reporting limit. That way it doesn't go on his record. My lawyer called me with all this two days ago. Matt and I talked it over and decided to make a counter offer....... He turned it down today. So, after talking it over with my lawyer and having him tell me what the defense would be (which, I'll admit, wouldn't sound good for me to a person who doesn't know the whole story), I called Matt and asked him what we should do. We decided to take the measly offer because, after all, if we go to court and lose, the doctor (who's a complete ass) will probably come after us for his lawyer's fees as well as the experts he had to hire. So we'd be MORE in debt. Yes, my lawyer doesn't charge me if we lose, but the other side could file a suit to get me to pay them for dragging them into this. So, since we were doing this for Lorelai and not us, we decided to take what we can DEFINITELY get and not to chance losing AND winding up in more debt.
But, like I said, it's about half of the smallest amount we wanted to settle for, an amount that would have wiped out all of our debt and put a few grand in our pockets. Oh well, at least it's something, right? And if we work it right, and pick what we pay off carefully, we can lower our monthly credit card payments considerably. I shouldn't be so down... It's a good amount. It will make it easier to breathe around here. But I guess I got so caught up in the fantasy of getting at least enough to pay off all of our debt. We had a plan... pay it all off, take about 2 years to save, and move into a house. That just won't be happening now and it's kind of sad. I know it'll happen eventually, but I wanted it to be now so badly. I tried, at least. And I did make it better for Lorelai, in a way, if I think about it. This will make it easier for us financially right now. It may not solve all our problems, but it does help a lot. And it will still help us take a shorter amount of time to pay off our debt and get into a house... It won't all happen as quick as we'd like it to, but it's closer to happening than if we didn't sue or didn't accept the offer, went to court, lost, and was ordered to pay his fees... I have to look at that side of it...
Well, I guess that means that it's time for me to sit down with our bills and figure out what card gets what amount in an effort to be most effective with this money. Yay, fun.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Well, well, well... here we are...
I had a friend tell me that I should be a writer. That I should start blogging to start me off on that path. This friend told me this and then said something to the effect of, "But you don't have to listen to me... I know we haven't known each other for very long, and I'm not assuming that I know you that well or that we're BFF's or something."
Um... seriously? First off, we've been hanging out and, on many occasions, pouring our hearts out to each other for a little under a year; that's plenty long, in my eyes. Second, she does know me that well, obviously. Third, I do know she's become an amazingly close friend in the short amount of time I've known her. And, fourth, I don't really make casual friends.
So, there!
Anywho, here I am following her advice. I love to write. And those of you who are reading this and personally know me, know I love to read. And, if you didn't know, I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised to learn that I've secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) harbored a desire to be an author. For a book whore like me (yes, I did just say that), what better kind of life could there be than to create books? I mean, after all, books are my first true love (don't tell Matt).
But, I really, really, REALLY, lack the discipline so far in my life to apply myself wholeheartedly to something.
That seems to be changing, though, but more on that later.
For those who don't know me, who just stumbled upon my selfish blog, let me introduce myself. My name is Kendra. I am a 25 year old woman who has been told and truly feels older than her years. I am married to a man I desperately love. Although, at some times, not so much... but isn't that the case in ALL relationships? I mean, otherwise it would get boring.
We have a GORGEOUS (and no, I am NOT biased) 15 month old daughter who is amazingly advanced/smart/genius/insert-any-parent's-ranting-and-ravings-about-how-"special"-their-kid-is-here. But really, she is. And again, I'm not biased. You'll just have to trust me on this. We have two cats, Bic and Willie (both girls... don't ask), who are crazy and loving and annoying and are just as much our children as our own flesh and blood is.
My husband, Matt, is a concrete cutter and 14 years older than me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how big of an age gap that is. But really, when a 25 year old woman who's more mature than her physical age is married to a 39 year old man who's less mature than his physical age, what does it matter? I'm sure we meet somewhere in the middle. Although the references to things, people, places, and sayings I have no clue about because I'm from a different generation can get annoying.
I don't work... almost three years ago I was hit by a drunk driver and broke both my ankles. My left ankle was actually completely crushed and has three surgeries on it so far and more on the horizon. But that's a topic for another post. Instead, I stay home with my daughter and I couldn't be happier. Well, now that I'm on medication. No, really, I'm not kidding... I've had a lesser variation of bi-polarity for years and years that was misdiagnoised as only depression and then full on bi-polarity. But now that we have a better idea of what it is, well, it's a lot easier to deal with it. I have no shame in saying I need medical help. Between medication and therapy, I'm happy. Without it, I feel unable to control my emotions. In the past, I haven't wanted to be on medication. I wanted to be able to handle it myself. But with my daughter in the picture now, I realize that what I want is superseeded by what she needs. Which is the reason I CAN'T take the pain medication I should be on for my ankles. I can't chance not being able to function well enough to take care of her because I'm too doped up. As a result, I'm usually in a lot of pain, but I've gotten used to it, I guess, and I know my limits. I know when I'm having a good day and I take advantage of it and go out with my daughter and my husband. I know when I'm having a bad day and I stay off my ankle as much as possible.
I've been told that I shouldn't share as much as I share, such as the paragraph above. That person will know who she is when she reads this and I want you to know this: I value your opinion and I even agree with it at times. This blog will be a diary of sorts, a jumping off point, too, in my quest to better myself and go after what I want: to be a writer. In that, I will have to bear all. I won't have the option to hold anything back. Sure, I'll probably change names or simply not reveal who I'm talking about (like now) out of respect for the other person's privacy. But when it comes to me and how I'm feeling or what I'm going through, I'm realizing that I'm the best material I have for now. And if there are people out there in my life who read this and want to somehow use it against me... well, I don't really think they can anymore. I've been changing lately and I don't think it will really affect me too much.
And, besides, I have a story to tell. Assuming I do write my story and get it published AND sold, I sincerely hope I can make the transition to creating fictional work... I don't want to be a one shot deal. But for now, I'm all I've got. And I've been burning to tell my story for years...............
Um... seriously? First off, we've been hanging out and, on many occasions, pouring our hearts out to each other for a little under a year; that's plenty long, in my eyes. Second, she does know me that well, obviously. Third, I do know she's become an amazingly close friend in the short amount of time I've known her. And, fourth, I don't really make casual friends.
So, there!
Anywho, here I am following her advice. I love to write. And those of you who are reading this and personally know me, know I love to read. And, if you didn't know, I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised to learn that I've secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) harbored a desire to be an author. For a book whore like me (yes, I did just say that), what better kind of life could there be than to create books? I mean, after all, books are my first true love (don't tell Matt).
But, I really, really, REALLY, lack the discipline so far in my life to apply myself wholeheartedly to something.
That seems to be changing, though, but more on that later.
For those who don't know me, who just stumbled upon my selfish blog, let me introduce myself. My name is Kendra. I am a 25 year old woman who has been told and truly feels older than her years. I am married to a man I desperately love. Although, at some times, not so much... but isn't that the case in ALL relationships? I mean, otherwise it would get boring.
We have a GORGEOUS (and no, I am NOT biased) 15 month old daughter who is amazingly advanced/smart/genius/insert-any-parent's-ranting-and-ravings-about-how-"special"-their-kid-is-here. But really, she is. And again, I'm not biased. You'll just have to trust me on this. We have two cats, Bic and Willie (both girls... don't ask), who are crazy and loving and annoying and are just as much our children as our own flesh and blood is.
My husband, Matt, is a concrete cutter and 14 years older than me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how big of an age gap that is. But really, when a 25 year old woman who's more mature than her physical age is married to a 39 year old man who's less mature than his physical age, what does it matter? I'm sure we meet somewhere in the middle. Although the references to things, people, places, and sayings I have no clue about because I'm from a different generation can get annoying.
I don't work... almost three years ago I was hit by a drunk driver and broke both my ankles. My left ankle was actually completely crushed and has three surgeries on it so far and more on the horizon. But that's a topic for another post. Instead, I stay home with my daughter and I couldn't be happier. Well, now that I'm on medication. No, really, I'm not kidding... I've had a lesser variation of bi-polarity for years and years that was misdiagnoised as only depression and then full on bi-polarity. But now that we have a better idea of what it is, well, it's a lot easier to deal with it. I have no shame in saying I need medical help. Between medication and therapy, I'm happy. Without it, I feel unable to control my emotions. In the past, I haven't wanted to be on medication. I wanted to be able to handle it myself. But with my daughter in the picture now, I realize that what I want is superseeded by what she needs. Which is the reason I CAN'T take the pain medication I should be on for my ankles. I can't chance not being able to function well enough to take care of her because I'm too doped up. As a result, I'm usually in a lot of pain, but I've gotten used to it, I guess, and I know my limits. I know when I'm having a good day and I take advantage of it and go out with my daughter and my husband. I know when I'm having a bad day and I stay off my ankle as much as possible.
I've been told that I shouldn't share as much as I share, such as the paragraph above. That person will know who she is when she reads this and I want you to know this: I value your opinion and I even agree with it at times. This blog will be a diary of sorts, a jumping off point, too, in my quest to better myself and go after what I want: to be a writer. In that, I will have to bear all. I won't have the option to hold anything back. Sure, I'll probably change names or simply not reveal who I'm talking about (like now) out of respect for the other person's privacy. But when it comes to me and how I'm feeling or what I'm going through, I'm realizing that I'm the best material I have for now. And if there are people out there in my life who read this and want to somehow use it against me... well, I don't really think they can anymore. I've been changing lately and I don't think it will really affect me too much.
And, besides, I have a story to tell. Assuming I do write my story and get it published AND sold, I sincerely hope I can make the transition to creating fictional work... I don't want to be a one shot deal. But for now, I'm all I've got. And I've been burning to tell my story for years...............
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